


Desperate to Love

by Asexual_Enjolras



Category: Les Misérables (2012), Les Misérables - All Media Types, Les Misérables - Victor Hugo
Genre: Acephobia, Asexual Character, Asexual Enjolras, Asexuality, Asexuality Spectrum, Bisexual Grantaire, Brothels, Café Musain, Combeferre Knows Everything, Courfeyrac Is A Little Shit, Enjolras Is Bad At Feelings, Enjolras Was A Charming Young Man Who Was Capable Of Being Terrible, Enjolras/Grantaire-centric, Eventual Romance, Good Friend Combeferre, Implied/Referenced Underage Prostitution, Internalized Acephobia, Les Amis de l'ABC Shenanigans, M/M, No Sex, Oblivious Enjolras, Pining Grantaire, Platonic Relationships, Platonic Romance, Prostitution, Self-Acceptance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-19
Updated: 2019-07-21
Packaged: 2020-07-08 07:15:33
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 10,116
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19865620
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Asexual_Enjolras/pseuds/Asexual_Enjolras
Summary: When the friends decide to go to a brothel, Enjolras attempts to convince his friends otherwise and condemns their love of prostitution. He despises the idea that his friends would buy into the distress and desperation of young women that need to make ends meet.But they do not listen and go anyway to find out that, actually, Enjolras has his own little secret.Grantaire attempts to come to terms with the idea that Enjolras lied to him as Enjolras attempts to convince his friends that brothels are not his scene and that he was there for other reasons.





	1. Chapter One

*** 

Courfeyrac lifted the small glass to his lips, basking in the celebrations happening around him. Lamarque had just declared that he was to stand for French Parliament. This was a big step in the right direction and his friends were evidently excited about the news; Lamarque was a socialist that worked and served under Bonaparte, he was a hero in his friends' eyes. 

"This calls for more alcohol!" Grantaire screamed, his bright eyes scanning the room for more beverages. Courfeyrac smirked down at his friend, grinning and nodding in agreement. Grantaire would take any opportunity to celebrate, that was always true of him. He was a predictable character. And Courfeyrac loved his charismatic behaviour. 

"I believe you have had enough." Enjolras was the polar opposite of him, however. His hand moved quickly to remove the wine bottle from Grantaire's hand in a smooth fashion. He stood tall, his mouth contouring into a smile at his small triumph. His voice raised in volume. "This marks a time for celebration but we still need to be practical." 

"Oh, come on." Courfeyrac lifted his head and turned to the group. "May we have one night to be irresponsible?"

"No, we may not." Enjolras growled. "We are not children anymore, Courf." 

Combeferre sniggered, pushing himself to stand beside Enjolras. 

"No, but we are young." Courfeyrac winked. 

"We are students, also." Bossuet piped in, exhaling the smoke from his cigar. Joly coughed beside him, waving his hand to frighten the smoke away. 

"Do you awfully mind?" He snarled. 

"Not particularly." Bossuet smirked. Joly rolled his eyes. 

"Smoke makes me unwell." 

"Everything makes you unwell." Grantaire threw a piece of scrunched up paper at Joly, who rubbed his arm where it hit him as though it really hurt. Marius shook his head at his friend's idiocy. 

"That is it, the party is over. Go home." Musichetta pulled the curtains closed, her grin like a dagger to Grantaire's heart. He was enjoying himself and she had to call it a night. 

"Already?" Courfeyrac snarled. 

"Sorry boys." She winked, walking out of the room. 

"We can always take this elsewhere." Marius said, standing up and brushing the dust from his trousers. 

"Marius' right, we can go to the - you know - the -" Courfeyrac signalled to his trousers and grinned. "- house." 

"You cannot be serious." Marius frowned. Enjolras and Jehan looked at each other with disgust, the blonde attempting to understand what they were talking about - whether he was correct in his suspicions.

"Are you seriously considering visiting a brothel?" Jehan growled. 

Combeferre looked at Courfeyrac with a sigh, afraid of his response. 

"Yes, is that allowed?" 

Combeferre looked down at his thumbs, twiddling them in a disheartened manner. He swallowed, hard. Courfeyrac was his best friend and he liked him but this was disappointing behaviour. He had stayed out late before but he always assumed that Courfeyrac was with Grantaire at a bar. Not at a brothel. He shivered at the thought of it. 

"Holes such as those are a disgrace and it's a disgrace that you would pay into their misery." Jehan spoke with a just tone, his words lacing like silk into Enjolras' ears. 

"Jehan is right. Those girls are at the peak of desperation because the social care systems set up to help them have failed them." Enjolras spoke in a level tone and Grantaire hated how perfect he was. He was always so politically motivated. And honest.

"Yeah, but they're good fun." 

"If you think that it's fun for those girls then you are deluded." Enjolras' tone was cruel. This was his passion. "They are doing this because they have to, they have no choice. If you think that that entitles you to take advantage of their situation then I really don't think you understand. It's barely even consent." 

"Oh, come off it. It's consent. It's not rape." Bahorel snapped.

"It is sexual exploitation." Enjolras said, deadpan. His facial expression was cold and his eyes looked heavy, like he had not slept in weeks. Grantaire's heart ached for him, he was always putting other people before himself so much that he always forgot to take care of himself. 

"And most of them are under age." Jehan added. "So yes, it is rape."

"Statutory rape." Combeferre said. He was a Law degree student so he was the most clued up on the matter. "They are not legally allowed to consent if they are aged under 16." 

"If you want to waste your student loan on girls that are desperate for a hero then be my guest but don't ever ask me to join you again." Jehan sniped. 

"Hey, at least we're helping-" 

"No, helping would be to give them money and expecting nothing in return. You are just a customer." Jehan stood. "I'll see you all tomorrow." 

Grantaire shuffled in his seat, he didn't want to go to the brothel now that he was aware how much Enjolras was against them. Enjolras empowered him - he adored the man. And the thought of letting him down broke his heart. But his friends were going. And he didn't want to go home to wollow self pity and end up drinking himself into a stupor as his usual nights ended. 

"Are you going, 'Ferre?" Enjolras' deep tone melted through Grantaire. 

"No, no, I'll walk back to the flat with you, Enj." He patted him on the back, picking his bag up. Enjolras smiled. "We'll see you later." 

Marius shuffled, awkwardly. 

"You ready then?" 

"Maybe they're right. We could just go to a bar and pull -" Grantaire cleared his throat. 

"Oh, come on. It's Enjolras. Of course he's going to be angry at us. He always is." Bahorel snapped. 

"He's just passionate." Grantaire mumbled, defending the leader of their group. Marius furrowed his eyebrows. 

"Enj will get over it." Courfeyrac said. He had grown up with Enjolras and was the most aware of his friend's passions. "Besides, he has other causes to worry about. Lemarque has just got into Parliament." 

"That's true." Bahorel smirked, patting Courfeyrac on the back. "Come on." He said, walking away. 

"We may aswell go with them." Marius shrugged, standing and following behind Bahorel and Courfeyrac. 

Grantaire threw his wine bottle in the bin in a huff and followed. He hated how easy he was to convince. He could be a genuine person if he had the right influences. But Enjolras despised him so there was no point pushing for that - despite how much he felt for the man. 

The brothel wasn't too far away from the university bar. And Grantaire was both glad of that and also disturbed. It was so appealing for students to end up here after a night out. And that was a dangerous prospect. 

"I want to go with Jess again." Bahorel said. 

Grantaire sighed. He just wanted alcohol. He didn't even care for the women now. Perhaps he cared too much for this now. Perhaps the man he loved had stirred something in him. He only used these women to forget about how little he meant to Enjolras. 

"I hope to go with Emm-"

"Enjolras-" Grantaire almost choked on his own tongue, his mouth falling agape. He couldn't comprehend what was happening, couldn't understand why Enjolras would ever step foot in a place such as this. It was below him and very out of character. 

"No - he can't be here." Marius shook his head in denial. 

"What a dog." Bahorel grinned, forgetting about the woman in front of him. 

Enjolras gave a quick glance around, his friends ducking in a fast paced way to avoid detection. Then he followed the small, thin blonde into the brothel, his feet in step with hers as he wrapped his arm around her waist in support. 

Grantaire felt his heart drop in his chest, his throat aching. Enjolras was supposed to be different; he was supposed to be innocent and driven by nothing but passion for freedom and liberation. He was not supposed to be like the rest of his friends. He was not supposed to be interested in girls. Grantaire had such a strong admiration for Enjolras and what he had just witnessed felt so wrong. He liked Enjolras a lot. He looked up to him. But this was out of character. And it made Grantaire question everything that he believed about his Apollo. 

He was supposed to be the light of his life, the one thing unscathed by sexuality and cruelty. 

"That is a turn up for the books." Courfeyrac said, he had known Enjolras the longest and had never assumed that he was the least bit interested in women - let alone sex. "I think we should leave."

"What - why?" Bahorel snapped, turning to face his friend. 

"Come on, Enjolras would never forgive me if he knew we saw him here. It is demeaning enough to his character." 

"Then perhaps he should not be such a hypocrite." Grantaire snarled, furious now. The wine had affected his judgement and he was in absolutely no state to go home. He needed comforting now; and as much as he longed for Enjolras to be that person, that man was out of bounds and he knew it was impossible. He clearly only paid for affection because he had none of his own. 

Same as Grantaire, he supposed. But Grantaire had so much love to give. Enjolras would just never accept it. So Grantaire had to stick to women of the town. For he only loved one man and that man was impossible. He was only attracted to Enjolras. Nobody else could compare. 

***

"There has to be an explanation for this - Enjolras would never -"

"Jehan, we're telling you. He was there." Bahorel said, his eyes wide. 

"Yeah, okay, but there has to be an explanation. This is Enjolras." 

"Maybe he's just not who we thought he was." Bossuet whispered. "I mean, that's so far from what he wants us to view him as." 

"Look, maybe we should stop talking about it." Combeferre said, nervous that his friend might walk in and overhear. He knew there had to be an innocent explanation. 

"Enjolras is rich and he uses his money on women of the town, that's all we need to know." Bossuet said with a snigger. 

Grantaire frowned and curled up in a ball on the sofa. He was fed up of this conversation. As much as he hated to admit it, perhaps Enjolras was there for the same reasons they were. 

He just couldn't accept that. Enjolras was a good man. He wouldn't settle for it. 

Grantaire never could.

***

Combeferre looked up from his book, lifting his body off of the sofa in Enjolras and his flat. He glared at Enjolras, his eyes heavy. 

"Where have you been?" 

"I fancied a walk-" Enjolras' voice was mousy. He hated lying to his best friend because it didn't sit well with him. But he could hardly tell him the truth. 

"I just got off the phone from Courfeyrac." He cut him off, snapping. "He had some very interesting information about where you have just been." 

Combeferre raised his eyebrows and looked over to Enjolras, who sank down to the seat below him.

Combeferre licked his lips, knowing full well that Enjolras was lying. Enjolras noticed the change in his friend's body language. 

"I wasn't there for those reasons, 'Ferre." He sighed, running his hand through his hair, his cheeks bruising a red tone. Combeferre had never seen Enjolras look so embarrassed. It didn't sit well with him. 

"I know that, of course I do." 

Enjolras gave a small smile. That was something at least. Though, it was no surprise that Combeferre understood. He was the only friend that really did understand Enjolras. Truly.

"Who else was there?" He sighed. He narrowed his eyes, squinting at the thought that everyone had seen him there. 

Combeferre said nothing, knowing his friend could not cope with knowing that everyone was there. He sighed and stood for bed, bidding Enjolras goodnight and leaving him alone in the dark to wallow. 

***

"I was not there the reasons that you were." He tried to defend himself, well aware that his words were falling short. He ran his hand through his hair, his eyes darting to the floor. He had never felt so embarrassed. 

"Right, of course not." Bahorel sniggered, he threw his hands in the air and pretended to be a damsel in distress, smirking. "It is fine to be normal, Enjolras. It's completely understandable." 

Enjolras lifted his face, his face scrunching at the idea that he had to like sex and women to be considered 'normal'. He frowned, feeling sick to his stomach at the insinuations made by his friend. Grantaire frowned too, his eyes scanning his leader with desperate passion. None of this made any sense - Enjolras was the one person with the least amount of interest in women and sex. It felt utterly ridiculous to consider his Apollo to have even looked at a woman with sexual interest. 

"Women are not to be afraid of." 

"Leave him alone." Grantaire felt himself grumble. Enjolras turned to face him, confused as to why he was defending him. Grantaire shuffled in his stance, blushing and crossing his arms across his chest. He was being obvious. "I mean - it - it's perfectly fine to be scared of women." 

He scolded himself, hating the expression that followed on Enjolras' face.

Enjolras rolled his eyes and walked away, slamming the door in the calmest manner that Grantaire had ever seen. He couldn't be bothered to argue, he assumed. 

Nobody even bothered to follow. Bossuet shrugged then turned to Courfeyrac.

"What were you doing at the brothel, Courf?" He asked. 

"Same as any guy there, you understand?" He winked, sticking a peanut into his mouth. He smirked at himself, proud of his silly little comment. "Why weren't you there?"

Bossuet raised an eyebrow. 

"Oh, I don't know, I don't think 'Chetta would approve." He said, sarcastically.

"No, come to think of it, she wouldn't." Courfeyrac laughed, jumping up and walking behind Combeferre, running his hand down his back. "What about you, 'Ferre, you've never come with us?" 

Combeferre shuffled out of his grasp, feeling completely uncomfortable. He swallowed, thinking about what to say. 

"It's not really my scene, Courf." 

"Why not? You're my best friend and I've never seen you there once." 

Combeferre looked to Enjolras, who shuffled in his stance after returning to the room. He stood in the corner, his arms resting on the desk. 

"I actually agree with Enjolras on this one. Brothels aren't a place we should associate." 

"Tell that to Enjolras." Courfeyrac winked. 

"For the last time, I was not there to have sex with that woman." He snarled, throwing his foot to the ground. 

Enjolras never lost his temper. He always prided himself in remaining fairly level headed. And Grantaire almost choked on his wine seeing him in so much distress. 

"You may be that crude but I could never use a woman for pleasure when I know that she is in a desperate need." He growled, his hands and voice shaking. "Women in these places need our support, not our pity or custom." 

"It didn't stop you last night, though." Marius stammered, wanting to be funny. Marius never took part in sexual relations in brothels, to him this was all a joke.

"I did not sleep with that woman." Enjolras screamed, his voice breaking as he threw books to the floor. 

Grantaire's breathing hitched in his throat. Enjolras was really, very evidently hurt by this. 

"No, because you sleeping with a woman would be completely out of character." Courfeyrac sniggered. 

Enjolras faltered, his arms falling by his side as he stared at his friend. It was meant in jest, he knew that but Enjolras had confided in Courfeyrac before. He had spoken to him about his issues and his sexual opinions before. He stood there looking completely lost, his eyes falling. 

"Courf, not now." Combeferre said, raising his hand to meet his friend's. 

"Oh, come on. We all know it." Courfeyrac said, in a drunken haze. "Enjolras could never have sex. He's not like that. Not normal." 

Enjolras felt his knees grow weak as he let the words sink into his head. He scorned, walking out of the room to prevent his friends from seeing how weak he had become. 

"Well done." Combeferre threw Courfeyrac's hand from his, snarling. 

"It was just a joke." 

"Not to him. Not that." Combeferre said. "You should know better than to mock him about this." 

Grantaire's eyebrows furrowed, his mind unable to comprehend what Combeferre could mean by his comments. He watched as the realisation sank into Courfeyrac's head about what he had just said, his body becoming still. He sat down, shaking his head. 

"I didn't think-"

"No, you did not." 

"I'll make it up to him." Courfeyrac said, nudging Combeferre. The taller man shook his head, pushing Courfeyrac away from him. 

Enjolras collapsed onto his bed, his eyes darting around the room. He shut them, allowing himself to fall asleep. He did not want to think about his friends at this moment. He felt completely drained and insecure. This was somethinf that made him feel incredibly awkward. Sex was not his thing, was that so hard for people to understand?

That was just who he was.

***

Grantaire's feet carried him to the brothel, his head aching as he showered the area for Enjolras. He was not there for himself. He needed to know why Enjolras was going there. Why would Enjolras go to a brothel? What could he really be doing? His legs ached as he continued to walk through the dirt ridden establishment, understanding now, with a sober and clear head why Enjolras spoke so hastily about these places. They were the worst kind of place and these women didn't deserve this. 

"Excuse me, I'm looking for a man named Enjolras?" Grantaire cleared his throat, speaking to the ginger, mucky woman in front of him. She was slim and stern. She turned her nose up to him, replying in a harsh tone. 

"Room 5." She pointed, her nose scrunching. 

Grantaire nodded to her, thanking her silently before making his way to Room 5. He knocked, lightly. 

"Occupied." A woman called, her voice coarse. 

"Sorry, Madame, I must come in." Grantaire said, pushing the door open. 

He entered, seeing the woman sitting down on the 'bed' in a mud stained dress, her face covered in scars. Her hair was choppy and short and her eyes were dark and heavy. She looked downright unwell, pale and done in. He turned, meeting Enjolras' gaze and shivering at his glare. 

"What are you doing here, Grantaire?" Enjolras asked, his voice filled with inquisition. He sat at the window, his arms crossed as he read the newspaper in front of him.

"You - you come here and feed these women?" 

"I speak to them about their lives." Enjolras spoke, softly. "And yes, feed them if they should wish to be fed." 

"You - you don't -"

"No, Grantaire. I do not sleep with them." He gritted his teeth, snapping his hand down on the table. He got really defensive about that, Grantaire thought.

"That's not what I was going to say, Apollo." Grantaire held his hands up, surrendering. He was going to ask something completely unrelated to sex. Enjolras was so defensive. 

Enjolras faltered. 

"Katherin, I am going now." Enjolras said. "I hope that you have as good a day as you can, Madame." He gave her a small bow. She nodded, smiling. 

"Thank you, as always, Monsier Enjolras." She bowed her head in return. 

"Are you coming?" Enjolras asked, turning to Grantaire. The smaller man looked astounded, nodding as he followed Enjolras out of the door. He gave the woman, Katherin, a small smile as he left. 

Enjolras waltzed down the stairs, his feet racing down the street as he led Grantaire down to the river and sat down opposite a large, oak tree. 

Grantaire continued to stand, just staring at Enjolras with a confused, dazed expression. This was the longest they had remained in each other's company without anyone else present. Enjolras hated Grantaire and the small, brunette man was confused as to why he had not yet told him to leave him alone. 

"Do you do this often?" He let out in exasperation, his voice full of questions.

"I do it as often as I can." Enjolras said. 

"And you want nothing in return." It was not a question. 

"No." He growled. "I do not expect you to understand." 

Enjolras was a good man but he had a short fuse for people that questioned his ideals. 

"I know that it would be hard for someone like you to understand, Grantaire, but I do not wish for these women to pleas-"

"I expected not." Grantaire said, softly, cutting Enjolras off from his sentence.

Enjolras raised his head, studying Grantaire's expression with a confused one painted upon his own. He had always been oblivious to the idea that Grantaire was more than he seemed. He was forever taunting him and mocking his passion for change and for justice. This man never once seemed to be interested in anything thay he had to say, why was he now so interested in what he was saying?

"Excuse me?" 

"I said, I didn't expect that you would allow them to pleasure you." Grantaire said. "It's against what you believe." 

Enjolras looked puzzled, speechless. 

"You are a good man, Apollo." Grantaire said. "I know that and nobody could convince me otherwise. You would not allow for that. You are better than us all." 

"No, Grantaire, I am not." Enjolras shrugged, confused as to what had brought Grantaire to say these things. Was he mocking him? He could not tell. 

"But you are, Apollo. You work for those that nobody else dares to. You stand up for the rights of people that nobody else cares to." 

Enjolras ran his hand through his hair, blinking as he let the words sink in. He was lost, he had no idea why Grantaire was being so nice. 

"You are a good man, Apollo. No matter what our friends think." 

"And what do they think?" 

"Do you care?" Grantaire asked, confused. He had no idea why Enjolras would care about what his friends would think of him. He had never had him down as the sort that would. He was always so sure of himself, so realistic about everything and so honest in what he believed. He never once cowered before their friends, never once doubted - or visibly showed that was doubting - himself or his standards. He was the complete opposite of Grantaire. He was sure of himself, and he was true to that. 

"I do." Enjolras spoke in a raw and honest tone. He was opening himself up to Grantaire and it was a new experience for both of them. And it wasn't one that they were both openly comfortable with. 

"You - you do?" Grantaire asked, collapsing onto the floor opposite Enjolras. 

The blonde stifled a cough, biting his lip awkwardly. He nodded. 

"I am human, Grantaire." 

Grantaire saw now, only just, the glimpse of discomfort that Enjolras was always so keen to hide away. He looked away, unable to keep the gaze when opening himself up so much to a man that he believed to be uninterested. 

"Apollo -"

"Do you truly view me as a God, or are you mocking me?" Enjolras bit. 

"I - I suppose it is a jest." He said. He could hardly tell him the truth. To Grantaire, Enjolras was a God. He was everything that he thought was good in the world. He was strong and passionate and driven and inspired. He was the light of Grantaire's life. "Our friends were wrong to judge you yesterday." 

Enjolras looked up. 

"If they knew what you truly did there, I'm sure they'd understand."

"It is insult enough that they thought me capable of being that - normal." 

"Normal seems like a bad choice of wording." Grantaire said, making Enjolras' breath hitch in his throat. "I mean - normal is a construction of society, right? That's what you said once." 

Enjolras smiled down at his hands, slightly. Grantaire had remembered that? He was a cynic. He never once led on that he was one to believe in anything that Enjolras said. 

"Normality is a social construct designed by the masses to alienate the few, yes." Enjolras nodded, grinning. Grantaire relished in the smile, grinning himself. He did not truly believe what Enjolras was saying to be true. But he believed in Enjolras. And seeing him smile after his glitch yesterday was reward enough. 

"Yeah, that was it." 

They fell silent, Grantaire looking down at his feet after allowing himself to open his feelings up to the one man he attempted to close himself off to.

"Do you not think me weird for not wanting to sleep with these women?"

Enjolras broke the silence, shocking Grantaire.

"No." Grantaire said. 

"How-"

"It is a choice." Grantaire smiled. 

"Yes, it is." Enjolras said. "And those women do not get a choice." Enjolras clapped. "I never had you down as someone that shared this passion." 

"I - I don't. I mean, not really. I am a nobody in this. I don't have anything to stand up for." Grantaire said. "I am irrelevant. But - but you can really change things if you so wished." 

Enjolras met his eyes, smiling at the smaller man. 

"You're not a nobody." Enjolras said. "And you are valued at our student meetings. No matter what you may think of yourself." 

Grantaire felt his eyes twitch. 

"I - I don't know what to say." Grantaire stammered, unsure of where to take the conversation now.

Enjolras' mouth remained still, his face straight. He continued to look at Grantaire with a confused expression, also unsure of what to say next. He shuffled, clearing his throat.

"Look, I best get home. But thank you for sitting here with me." He said, standing. 

Grantaire watched as he stood, towering over him as he gave him a small smile before walking away. 

"I expect to see you tomorrow. No excuses." Enjolras winked, waving bye.

Grantaire said nothing, almost choking at the mere idea that Enjolras - the great and passionate leader - had just winked at him. His heart fluttered as he sank to the floor, his eyes closing as he relived the moment in his mind. 

It meant nothing but it did feel good.

***

Chapter Two coming soon. 

***


	2. Chapter Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Enjolras attempts to come to terms with his feelings for Grantaire while struggling to come to terms with the fact that his friends didn't truly know him at all.

***

Enjolras stood with his head against the wall, his eyes scanning the room to see if Grantaire had turned up to the meeting or not. To no surprise, he hadn't. And he scorned himself for feeling a small tinge of disappointment. Grantaire was the only one that could have explained why Enjolras was at the brothel without him having to do it himself. It was still a wonder to Enjolras that people really had him down as the sort of person that would go to a brothel for his own personal sake. 

He was never like that. And it still stung to think that his friends thought of him in that way. 

"Oh, you should have seen her." Marius said, his voice cooing. "She was so beautiful, Joly. So pretty." 

Joly laughed, rolling his eyes. 

"You say this at every meeting, Marius." Courfeyrac said. "We all know that your beloved Cosette is the most angelic person you have ever seen. We don't need the constant reminder." 

"Yeah, and neither does poor Éponine." Bossuet said, deadpan. 

"What - what's that supposed to mean?" Marius' face scrunched up in confusion. 

Jehan planted his face on the table. Marius may be a smart law student in class but he was so dim when it came to human interaction. He was completely unaware that his good friend Éponine had feelings for him and it made it even worse when he constantly talked to her about how much adored another woman that he barely knew. 

"Can we stay on task?" Enjolras put his pen down. "There is a petition going around to stop the 'Parade against Slavery' because people are afraid that it will do more damage than good. We cannot get distracted. We have no time for romance or love."

"Of course you would say that." Bahorel said, taking a shot of vodka as he leaned back in his chair. 

Enjolras brushed the comment aside, continuing with his speech in a calm and collected manner. 

"Modern slavery is a very real threat that the police and social services have to deal with on a day-to-day basis. But it is not talked about in the media because it's not seen as a prevalent issue that the Government should be covering." He said. "It's a forgotten crime because it is not seen. It's pushed to the back of people's minds because slaves are hidden away from society. Most are vulnerable women and children that have fled from war stricken countries. We have to do our bit to help these people." 

"Like you have done your bit to help those poor women down at the brothel." Bahorel said. 

Combeferre shook his head, pushing Courfeyrac into the centre of the room. 

"Look, that's-" Courfeyrac stammered. "That's not the issue here. Everything that Enjolras is saying here is true. It's a real issue that's being forgotten about by the masses."

"Thank you, Courfeyrac." Enjolras gave him a small nod. 

"No, the only thing that we seem to be forgetting here is that our gracious leader went against what he stands for. He lied to us, made us feel guilty for enjoying a bit of student life." Bahorel slammed his hand on the table, making Marius jump a little. Joly rubbed his ear as though the loud noise gave him tinnitus. 

"I have told you all before. That is not why I was there. I will not discuss this further, it is completely irrelevant to our cause." 

"But it is relevant. You have been lying to us, you made us all believe that you were some virgin and innocent martyr that we could all believe in and follow. But that was all a lie." 

Bahorel walked to the door, standing on a table and saying:

"I'm leaving. I've had enough of the deceit and the lies that you have fed us. You treat us as though we are the problem when really it's you." He declared. "Follow me if you want to live like normal students." 

Enjolras looked to his friends, seeing Bahorel and Lesgles stand to leave. 

"Sorry, he's my ride home." Lesgles said, shrugging as he left the Café. 

Joly stood next.

"I have some work due tomorrow." He said, bowing out of the room. 

"I - I am a-"

"Enjolras, let them go. They will come round." Combeferre said, sighing and sitting down. 

Courfeyrac and Marius sat down too, as Jehan leant against the wall. Feuilly, who had not been there when the whole brothel debate started out because he was in a meeting with his tutor, sat looking lost. 

"Have I missed something?" He asked, confused about why his friends had taken a turn against Enjolras. 

"Enjolras went to a brothel after categorically telling us not to." Courfeyrac said. Combeferre threw him a warning glance, making the smaller man shrug. "But obviously there's an innocent explanation to it." 

"Oh. Well, that's obvious." 

Enjolras turned his head away as Courfeyrac and Marius looked at him with a defensive look. 

"What? Is that supposed to be news?" Feuilly shrugged, completely confused by the whole situation. 

"Right, moving on." Combeferre clapped his hands in an attempt to turn the subject away from Enjolras' sexuality, or lack thereof. The friends fell into silence, the awkward situation growing in intensity. 

"Does anyone know where Grantaire is?" Enjolras asked, his tone serious as he broke the silence. 

Courfeyrac looked up from his book, his eyebrows furrowing. Enjolras and Grantaire didn't get on, why would Enjolras be asking that? 

"Why? What's he done this time?" He asked, concerned for Grantaire.

"Well - he's not here." Enjolras said, his voice mousy. 

"Since when have you cared?" Marius growled. 

Enjolras frowned. It seemed that everyone was against him recently and he had no idea why he was allowing it to get to him. He was never affected by anyone's judgements of him. He genuinely couldn't usually care less. But there was something about Marius' tone that stung something in his chest. He turned, trying to compose himself. This was ridiculous. Marius was kind to everyone. And Enjolras never let anyone get to him, least of all Marius Pontmercy. 

He walked out, trying to catch his breath before he broke down in front of his friends. That was not allowed to happen under any circumstance.

Combeferre wanted to follow him out, knowing that something was seriously wrong with his friend if he had to turn away from the group. He had seen Enjolras upset only once and it was the most harrowing experience in his life, he swore then that he never wanted to see it happen again. But this was completely out of his hands and he hated that. 

***

Grantaire skimmed a rock across the river, his eyes watching as it landed with a splash and sank into the muddy water. He watched as the current swirled beside his feet, his socks laying beside his hand as he gazed out from the bankside. 

"You didn't come to the meeting." Enjolras said, breaking Grantaire from his stare. It wasn't a question, and Grantaire didn't respond. He just stared at him, waiting for him to say something else. This was Enjolras' place to come when he needed a bit of quiet. Grantaire had not expected him to be here because he should have been at that said meeting. "It was a shambles." 

Enjolras sat down beside Grantaire, noticing that the smaller man had his feet in the river and sticking to crossing his legs at the bankside. He stared out at the river. 

The small brunette man noticed that, for the first time since they'd met, Enjolras was shaking. He had never seen that happen before and it made Grantaire feel an ache prick in his chest. 

"What happened?" 

Enjolras said nothing, just shook his head. 

"I - I don't know what to do." He placed his head into his hands, rubbing his eyes in a desperate attempt to maintain his tears. He'd never cried openly around people. Apart from one time in front of Combeferre, when both of them sobbed in each other's arms because they had just watched something that they never wanted to discuss again. He took a breath in, trying to steady his breathing. "Sorry - I know that it's completely absurd." He said, sniffing. "People are suffering and dying and I'm getting emotional over -"

"Stop." Grantaire said, placing his hand on Enjolras' knee. Enjolras froze, the sudden touch catching him by surprise. "You are allowed to have emotions." 

Enjolras nodded. 

"It - it does come as a surprise, if I'm being completely honest - but you are a human being, Apollo." 

Enjolras gave a little laugh.

"I thought people understood that I wasn't the kind of person that would use a woman for sex. I thought I had made it clear that I was far too busy to have sexual relations with anyone. I don't understand why anyone-"

He stopped, feeling his voice break.

"I don't understand why I can't-" His body broke, his mouth curving as he sniffled. Grantaire, impulsively, wrapped his arm around Enjolras and pulled him into a cradle, rubbing his back in an attempt to soothe him. 

This seemed completely absurd. But Grantaire was in no place to complain. 

"You are you, Apollo. You don't have to apologise for that. And you don't have to prove it to anyone." He said. "And if you don't want to have sex with women then that's fine." 

"But that's just it." Enjolras said, still clutching Grantaire. "I don't - romance and all of it. I don't think it's for me. I'm too busy. I don't like the idea of it. And I know it's absurd, I do. But there are far more important things in the world than love."

And he couldn't ever give anyone the full package. Enjolras knew that. 

Grantaire knew, of course he did. He was well aware of Enjolras' hatred of romance and had even laughed when he told Marius that it was unimportant. 

"That's fine too." Grantaire said. It stung to admit it. But Enjolras not liking romance meant that he would never fall in love with someone - even if that meant that Enjolras would never be with him. 

"But is it?" 

"Of course it is." Grantaire said.

Enjolras sat up, giving the smaller man a nod. 

"You have the power to make real change, Apollo; real change in the world." Grantaire spoke with ease. This was something he was truly quite passionate about and it showed. "And you not being romantic or wanting sex is just a part of who you are." 

"Thank you for understanding." Enjolras smiled. 

"I don't blame you, if I'm honest." Grantaire said. "Nothing good comes from romance. Or from sex. It's all over-rated." 

Enjolras gave off a small, radiating laugh. 

"Just look at Marius for example. The boy's smitten and can't even walk straight anymore." 

"As you said, he's in love." Enjolras shrugged. He could never understand it. 

"And don't we all know he's in love." He rolled his eyes, smirking, which made Enjolras smirk too. Their eyes fell against the others, neither of them moving them away. 

"It's getting dark." Enjolras broke the gaze, standing. "And cold." 

"I'm fine here." Grantaire said, tapping his fingers on the concrete beside his hand. 

"You'll catch a cold if you leave your feet in the river." Enjolras said. And if Grantaire was willing to kid himself, he could have sworn there was genuine concern laced in his voice. 

"It feels nice." Grantaire said. "Live life on the edge." 

"I'd rather not." Enjolras said. "Are you coming?" He asked, hoping he would. 

Grantaire wanted to follow Enjolras as he always did, to spend as much time as he could with him. 

But he shook his head.

"I'll see you tomorrow." He smiled. 

"Right - bye." Enjolras gave him a small pat on the back before leaving.

Grantaire wished he could have said yes. But he was afraid he'd say something wrong. And they were getting along fine at the moment. 

He couldn't afford to ruin that. 

***

"So - you and Grantaire." Combeferre said, sitting down on his and Enjolras' sofa. It was dark out and they'd both just returned from their meeting; Bahorel and Lesgles still nowhere in sight. Enjolras shrugged off Combeferre's words, not wanting to talk about it. "What's happening there?" 

"Nothing." He said, swallowing a sip of his tea. 

"You can't fool me, Enj." Combeferre nudged him. 

"You'll make me spill my tea." He snarled, not wanting to talk about it. He didn't understand it himself. How was he supposed to explain it to Combeferre? Grantaire had surprised him, he wasn't as bad as he first thought and they were getting on, which was incredibly weird. But it wasn't anything beyond that. Not that he could admit to himself anyway.

That would be out of character. 

"It's just - everyone knows how fond Grantaire is of you." Combeferre tried to be subtle, everyone knew of Grantaire's reasons for attending meetings and for being in their group. They all knew he was in love with their hapless leader. That was, everyone knew except for Enjolras himself. "Do you know what I mean?"

"Yes, he's a friend." Enjolras said, leaning back in the seat. 

"You are useless." 

"What do you mean?" 

"You can't really be that anti-romance, Enjolras." 

"I honestly have no idea what you mean." 

"Grantaire is in love with you." Combeferre choked on his Corn Flakes, near enough screaming at his friend. 

Enjolras froze, his eyes trailing on Combeferre to see if he was lying or not. Combeferre didn't move either, his eyebrows raising. The blonde stifled a laugh, swallowing hard. 

"You're not joking, are you?" 

"No." Combeferre said. "Blimey, everyone else knows this." 

"I - I never really thought about it." He admitted. Because he hadn't. He'd never given any thought to why Grantaire's eyes trailed on him longer than they did anyone else. Or why Grantaire was always jumping to his defence when he didn't necessarily deserve it. Or why Grantaire stuck around at their meetings despite having no ambition to change the way things were happening in the world. 

Enjolras had never really thought about romance at all, if he really admitted it. He had always thought of nothing but change and of politics. 

"Are you alright?" Combeferre gave Enjolras a nudge after he hadn't moved for a whole three minutes, his eyes stuck staring at the floor. Enjolras jumped up, his tea scolding his leg. "Oh, sorry." 

"It - it's fine. I have to go. I'll see you later." Enjolras said, picking up his loaf of bread and stuffing it into his satchel before rushing out of the flat.

***

Katherin took Grantaire's hand as she welcomed him into Room 5, racing around him in a flirtatious manner, her hand running down his back. She pushed him down onto the chair and tugged at his shirt, her eyes dancing at his toothy grin and the roll of his eyes. 

"Your friend is ever so kind to me." She said, cooing. "Monsier Enjolras-"

"He is a very kind man, yes." Grantaire said, shuffling awkwardly as she sat on his legs. 

"Sorry I'm late-" Enjolras burst into the room, his eyes narrowing as he looked at Grantaire and Katherin. "Oh, hello, Grantaire." 

"We're just getting started." She said, smiling. Enjolras wanted to throw up. 

Then Grantaire shuffled out from underneath Katherin, grabbing his bag and standing out by the window. 

"Actually, Madame, I came here to give you this." He dipped his hand into his bag and handed her a large Victoria sponge cake. "I'm sorry if you got the wrong impression." 

"Oh. Thank you, Monsier." She said, hugging Grantaire tight. "I shall share it with the girls." 

She raced out of the room to grab a knife, running past Enjolras, who stood with his mouth agape. 

"You don't have to do this-"

"I want to. You've inspired me." Grantaire laughed. "Besides, I don't particularly like cake." 

Enjolras felt his chest ache. Grantaire was inspired by him - the cynic that believed in nothing had been inspired by something he had done. And that was nice to know. 

"Did you bring them some food?" Grantaire asked.

"I know you're in love with me." Enjolras said, his voice quick. It came out a little harsher than he had imagined but once it was out there, he couldn't take it back. 

Grantaire just stared at him, baffled. 

"Right?" Grantaire fished for a further comment. 

"I - I don't know, really. But Combeferre told me. I didn't realise-"

"That's fine-" Grantaire tried to cut in, seeing Enjolras was getting flustered. He was barely taking a breath between words. 

"And I feel like I'm letting you down because I can't love you back." Enjolras was still rambling, too fast to take a breath. "Because I'm not normal, Grantaire, I don't feel anything for anyone. I try. I do try. I've tried to be normal but I just - I can't see the point in it and I'm so sorry if I've ever led you to believe that I'm in love with you or if - if you're expecting me to love you back because - I can't do that. I can't - I'm sorry." 

He turned and raced out of the run, running out of the brothel and as far away from Grantaire as he could. He felt terrible. 

Grantaire, on the other hand, stood there completely baffled. He knew all of that. And Enjolras didn't even give him a chance to explain. 

He just - ran off. 

***

"Where is Enjolras? He's never late to meetings." Courfeyrac said. It was 15 minutes in already and he was starting to grow concerned. 

"He's not feeling too good." Combeferre spoke in a level headed tone, hoping nobody would argue with that. He knew what was wrong with him, of course he did. Combeferre knew everything. 

"But - he was here when he had tuberculosis that time. And the time he had the flu really bad. He - he never misses a meeting." Courfeyrac tilted his head. 

Feuilly shuffled. This must be bad. 

"Is - is he alright?" Grantaire felt terrible. This was all his fault. 

Combeferre nodded a little, unable to do anything else. Grantaire looked pale. He looked almost sick enough to pass out and he knew that he must be blaming himself. But if this entire thing was anyone's fault, it was his. He had planted the seed in Enjolras' mind about Grantaire being in love with him. And at such a delicate time too. 

It was bad enough that Bahorel had continuously told Enjolras that he wasn't normal for not being able to love anyone, it was even worse that he now had someone that he knew he couldn't ever love back. Combeferre, also, felt terrible. 

***

"Combeferre told me I could come see you." Grantaire said, softly pushing the door to the flat open to find Enjolras curled up on the sofa in a blanket. He sat up, moving his legs so Grantaire could sit down. "How are you feeling?" 

Enjolras allowed himself to shiver, feeling the hairs on the back of his neck stand to attention. He shuffled over. 

"I'm sorry." 

Grantaire accepted the apology, not exactly understanding what it was for but allowing Enjolras to say it anyway because, clearly, he needed to. 

"I should not have run off yesterday." Enjolras said, his voice coarse. 

"Can you - let me speak?" Grantaire asked. "Please?" 

Enjolras gave a small nod.

"I don't expect you to love me back. I have - I accepted that you wouldn't a long time ago. Even if you weren't like you are - incapable of it-" Enjolras went to speak, his face scorned, but Grantaire cut him off. " No, that came out wrong. But you know what I should mean - it's not your thing. But even if it was, and I know it isn't, but I didn't ever expect you to love me anyway." 

He was laying his heart bare. 

"I'm nothing compared to you. I don't believe in anything because I'm too cynical to believe that things can change. And I know that you could never allow yourself to fall in love with someone so pathetic." 

"You are not nothing." Enjolras said, his voice full of that usual passion now, which took Grantaire by surprise. 

"But I am. You have the power to change things, you believe that the world can change and I can't believe in anything - I don't believe in anything apart from you." 

Enjolras swallowed, his eyes trailing on Grantaire. 

"I mean - I can't believe in anything because I'm such a fool but I do believe in one thing and that one thing is you and that's so completely ridiculous to anyone that might hear it but believing in you is inspiring." He continued to ramble, his brain no longer functioning. He wasn't even thinking anymore. He just wanted to get it out. 

Enjolras felt a sharp prick in his eyes as he reached his hand to his cheek. 

Tears.

He felt another shiver run down his spine as he watched Grantaire continue to talk. 

"And it makes me feel better about myself. Because if I can believe in only one thing then I'm glad that it's in you."

Enjolras choked on his own tears, his body incapable of controlling and containing his feelings anymore. He threw himself forward, his shoulders jerking as he allowed himself to sob. Enjolras had never cried before, not like this, and it hurt his chest as he sobbed. His entire persona was being corrupted. He wasn't supposed to let anyone see his emotions, this was completely out of character. 

But it was also out of his control. 

"I - I didn't mean to upset you." 

Enjolras wanted to speak but found himself incapable of it, his voice lost in his throat. 

"Enjolras, please don't be upset. It's completely fine that you can't-"

"Sex repulses me." He screamed. Grantaire just blinked, confused about where that came from. "And who could have a relationship with someone that doesn't want to sleep with them?" 

Grantaire was taken aback.

"I could." Grantaire shrugged. "If the person that I loved told me that they didn't like sex then I'd respect that because it's not something that can be helped." 

"You don't have to lie." Enjolras said. "I know it's weird." 

Enjolras wanted to believe Grantaire. He wanted to believe him because he did feel something for Grantaire. And he hated to admit it but there was something about him that enticed him. But sex was something that he could never do. And it meant that, no matter what he might feel for Grantaire, he would be a useless partner. 

"Would you stop putting yourself down? You sound like me. Christ." Grantaire growled. "You're Apollo, you're supposed to be happy and positive and realistic." 

"I am being realistic." Enjolras said, wiping his eyes. 

"You're upsetting yourself over something that isn't even an issue." Grantaire said. "If sex is the thing that you don't like, rather than love itself, then there's still hope." 

"I - it never was love." Enjolras admitted. Because it wasn't love that was the issue. It was the fact that he couldn't love someone normally. He could never have that because, for a start, his ambitions lay elsewhere. And secondly, he could never give his partner what they needed. 

He could never give Grantaire everything. And that was the biggest issue here. 

Hearing Combeferre talk about Grantaire having feelings for Enjolras just made him feel physically sick. Because he had never thought about it before. He hated him, usually. He pushed him away because he didn't like him. 

But then Enjolras realised, sitting in Room 5 with Grantaire, that the reason he pushed him away was because he liked him too much.

And his body didn't know how to respond to that. It was new and it was daunting and it could never work. 

Grantaire was Grantaire. He loved Enjolras, yes. But he couldn't ever ask Grantaire to sacrifice sexual relations for him. 

"Sex isn't everything in a relationship. And you could find someone that didn't need sex for the relationship to work." Grantaire tried to reassure him. 

"Could you-"

"For you, yes." Grantaire didn't even need Enjolras to finish the sentence. He was attracted to Enjolras by all accounts of the term. But he was fully aware that Enjolras would never be the sort of person that a human would conventionally love and be with. He was different and pure and inspired. 

Enjolras let his mouth curve into a smile. 

"You - you could?" 

"I could, yes." Grantaire said. "But I won't." 

Enjolras' face collapsed. 

"You deserve someone more than me. You deserve someone to fight alongside you, not behind you. You need someone that will want to change the world and someone that believes in you and your causes and for that reason alone, you deserve someone more than me-"

"I don't even deserve you." Enjolras said. 

They were both as bad as each other.

"Grantaire, you don't see it but you are valued. I value you." 

"I don't see why-"

"Because!" He screeched with so much passion that Grantaire almost choked. "I really like you." 

Grantaire let out a laugh. 

"It's not funny." Enjolras snarled. "I don't like the idea-"

"Thanks." 

"That's not what I meant." Enjolras said. "You say that you love me but you don't expect me to love you back. Well, maybe I do. I don't know. But I couldn't let you wait for me to figure that out. That's not fair. You deserve someone that-"

"I'd rather die single and in love with you than marry someone else." Grantaire said, his voice small. He said it with a hint of jest, his voice teasing. 

"But-"

"I love you. And I don't expect anything from you." 

"I don't know what to say-"

"Then say nothing. Carry on as if none of this matters. Go back to being your usual self, driven and inspired by the pain of the many. Go out and change the world and I'll be right behind you, as always." 

"I can't do that." 

"You can. And you will. Because you are Enjolras. You are Apollo. You have never needed the love of another person to carry on."

Enjolras shuffled closer to Grantaire. 

"I like you." Enjolras rested his head on Grantaire's shoulder, wrapping his arms around the smaller man. "I don't know what that means yet. But I like you." 

Grantaire cradled his friend in his arms. 

"Are you sure about this?" 

Enjolras took a deep breath in, considering it. 

"Sex - I can't do-" He sat up, moving away from Grantaire.

"I don't want you to." Grantaire said. 

Enjolras looked up, studying his face. Grantaire looked sincere. 

"But-" 

"I could always go to the brothel if I needed a fix." 

Enjolras stood up, sharing his head. 

"I was joking." Grantaire grabbed his hand and pulled him back down. "Loving you is enough." 

"It's not." 

"It is."

Enjolras wrapped his arms around him, digging his head into the crook of his neck and taking in his scent. 

"I want to love you." He cooed. 

Grantaire, if those words had been spoken from anyone else he would have run away. He didn't feel worthy of the love. But Enjolras didn't have a bad bone in his body. He couldn't lie.

"I don't expect you to-"

Enjolras lifted his head and tested his eyes on Grantaire's, taking in the bright blue of them. He felt as though he was swimming, the man's odd beauty shining through from beneath his jet black curls. He leant in, his soft lips landing on Grantaire's and taking the smaller man by surprise. His eyes closed as he collapsed into the kiss, his tongue lacing with Grantaire's. 

If Enjolras was honest, it took him by surprise too. But he had such a drive to do it; an impulse that he couldn't ignore.

He pulled away, opening his eyes and reaching for his breath. 

"Was that - your first kiss?" Grantaire asked. 

Enjolras blushed, his cheeks flushing a bright red tone. 

"Because if it was - then you were born to do it." 

"Was it good?" 

"Yeah." 

Enjolras collapsed on the sofa, his eyes closing. 

"As long as you thought so." He said. 

Grantaire furrowed his eyebrows, kneeling down in front of Enjolras and resting his head against his. 

"What do you mean? Did you not-"

Enjolras opened his eyes again, looking down at their interlocked hands. 

"I don't think it's for me, no." 

Grantaire nodded. 

"But if you enjoyed it then I will-"

"No." Grantaire shook his head. "No, you don't have to do anything that you don't feel comfortable with." 

Enjolras felt his heart skip. Grantaire would really give all of that up for him. 

"But you-"

"I am irrelevant." 

"Relationships take two, don't they?" 

"Yes but you need to be happy." 

"And so do you." 

Grantaire smiled. 

"You just speaking to me makes me happy." 

Enjolras lifted Grantaire up as he stood and stared at him, holding his hand and leaning forward for a kiss. Grantaire turned his head. 

"I mean it. I love you. But take your time." 

"I - I love you too." Enjolras said. He pulled Grantaire into a tight hug and he didn't want to let go again. 

He really was very fond of Grantaire. But he was still confused by the whole situation. 

***

Combeferre handed Feuilly a piece of paper, his eyes scanning the room to see who had turned up for the meeting. Joly sat in the corner, rinsing his hands with alcohol after Bahorel handed him a small packet of tobacco. Bossuet cradled a bunch of flowers that he had been given by Jehan to hand to Musichetta. Jehan had his legs up on the table, his eyes falling asleep. And Marius was pining on the table about his beloved Cosette. 

Everyone was there. 

Everyone but Enjolras and Grantaire. 

"Honestly, he's probably killed him." Courfeyrac said. "If you did really tell him that Grantaire was in love with him then he will have definitely killed him for wasting time." 

"Don't be ridiculous." Feuilly shook his head. "Enjolras couldn't kill Grantaire." 

"No, he couldn't." Combeferre said. "He likes him too much." 

Courfeyrac and Feuilly's eyes met in confusion, their brains unable to comprehend what Combeferre could mean by that. 

"Have you given any thought about apologising?" Feuilly shuffled over to Bahorel. 

"Look, I feel awful about it." Bahorel said. "I was just angry. I didn't think it would really impact him that much." He frowned. "When he didn't turn up to the meeting, I felt sick." 

"I'm sure he'll be fine if you apologise." Courfeyrac said.

"I spoke to the brothel and they explained that he goes there and donates money and asks for nothing in return." Marius said. "I mean - I didn't expect that he would but it was nice to be told that."

Enjolras and Grantaire walked into the room together, Grantaire following Enjolras closely. The blonde swallowed hard before he took a step up, nodding at their friends. 

"I'm sorry that I have been away. I needed some time to contemplate a few things. I'm sorry if I made you feel guilty for visiting brothels. I still don't condone it but-"

"I'm sorry for doubting you." Bahorel cut in, stepping up to stand opposite their leader. "And I'm sorry that I said you weren't normal-"

"It's fine." Enjolras said, placing his hand on Bahorel's shoulder. "I want to thank you actually. You were crude, yes, but you made me think about a few things." 

Combeferre smirked to himself, Grantaire walked away, standing beside Marius. 

"Actually - I have - I'm - there's something I should tell you."

Grantaire stepped forward, reaching for Enjolras.

"You don't have to do this." 

Enjolras looked at him and gave him a small smile. 

"I do." He said. "You were right, Bahorel. I'm not like you. I don't find sex appealing and I never have. But I am capable of love." 

Combeferre looked at his friend with such pride, his mouth curving into a smile. Courfeyrac wanted to clap.

"And I - I am - I - I-"

"Stop." Grantaire stood up. "Look, everyone here knows that I have been head over heels for you since I first met you." 

Enjolras' heart pumped faster, his heart rate increasing. 

"You don't have to say anything." Combeferre said. 

"Wait - am I missing something here?" Marius asked, baffled as he looked around and saw all of his friends smiling and grinning like they'd just had some good news. 

Joly wanted to hug them both. 

"Enjolras is in love." Courfeyrac clapped.

"Well-" Grantaire jumped in.

"No, I am." Enjolras said, allowing himself to be honest. He and Grantaire had something new, something fresh. This was all new to both of them and Enjolras was excited to see where this led. 

"Oh, this is amazing." Jehan grinned. 

"Can we - can we all go to the brothel later?" Bahorel asked. Enjolras shot him a glance, his eyes narrowing in confusion. "I was thinking we could all give them a small party. I can't imagine they get a lot of free time." 

"We can take cake!" Marius screeched.

"And alcohol." Grantaire grinned, winking at Enjolras. 

"Yes, and pay them for their time." Bahorel said. "But not for sex; a night for them." 

Enjolras nodded, smiling. 

"That sounds good." 

Combeferre watched as his friends all started to plan their get together. It sounded like a good session and it was a good thing to see his friends all getting along again. He moved over to stand next to Grantaire and pulled him to the side. 

"He told you everything?" 

Grantaire nodded.

"He did." 

"And you are fine with it, I know." 

"Of course I am." 

"You two deserve each other." He smiled, nudging Grantaire as Enjolras walked over. "I'm happy for you both." 

Enjolras grinned, taking Grantaire's hand in his. 

"I'm happy too." 

Grantaire felt as though he could combust. Everything was better than he could have ever imagined. Enjolras liked him and wanted to love him. And he was able to love Enjolras openly and give him the love that he was worthy of. 

They had a lot to look forward to.

***

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading! I love writing asexual Enjolras and an accepting Grantaire that's worth so much love but can't see it. 
> 
> Please comment any questions or opinions you have and I'll respond. 
> 
> I appreciate all the kudos and hits so much and I'm so happy that my writing can be enjoyed by you. 
> 
> Thanks again!

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading! Please comment any questions or opinions you have and I'll post chapter two in a few days. 
> 
> I hope you enjoyed!


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